Why Should I Forgive Others?

I do not like conflict; especially conflict within the church. I never felt like I lost my salvation amid major heated church conflicts, but sometimes I did feel like quitting the Christian life altogether because of disagreements with other believers. 

In Christ, God transforms relationships and makes His people a family that is called to live together with love and grace. Because we have been given limitless grace through Jesus Christ, we are to live as peacemakers who reflect the heart of our crucified Savior. 

In Philemon, Paul explores the importance of living in grace even in conflict and reminds us that through Christ there can be true biblical forgiveness and reconciliation.  

Live In Grace

Paul wrote this significant letter to point to the living hope in Christ Jesus. The letter to Philemon is short, only 335 words in the original Greek. In essence, Paul made his request in one long Greek sentence!  

Paul begins the letter by asking a favor of Philemon: “Accordingly, though I am bold enough in Christ to command you to do what is required” (v. 8). This is forthright, yet it is not a command. He is requesting boldly “in love” on behalf of Onesimus. Paul’s attitude here is not one of apostolic authority, but one of brotherly affection in Christ.  

“If he has wronged you at all, or owes you anything, charge that to my account” (v. 18). “Account” used here is in the context of the financial world. Paul does not suggest “forgive and forget.” He knew the weight of the consequence of Onesimus’ actions and was willing to take what Onesimus had done and lay it on himself. 

Do you have a brother or sister in Christ who can speak of you as Paul does of Philemon? And is there a Philemon in your life?  

Our Identity is in Christ

Having affirmed the strength of Philemon’s Christian love and devotion for all believers and the personal joy he brought Paul, the apostle asked Philemon to receive back his runaway slave.

Paul wants to send Onesimus back to Philemon. As a Roman slave master, Philemon had every right to punish Onesimus severely, yet Paul writes this letter to urge Philemon to forgive and treat him as his brother in Christ, rather than a slave.  

Paul is eager to emphasize Onesimus’ conversion. “Formerly he was useless to you, but now he is indeed useful to you and to me” (v. 11). Paul uses a word play, deploying a pun on the slave’s name which means “useful” or “profitable” in the Greek. Onesimus did not live up to his name before coming to saving faith in Jesus Christ. However, now he was a born again Christian and could live up to his name!  

Forgiveness is the Higher Way

Paul begins by saying, “For this perhaps is why he was parted from you for a while, that you might have him back forever” (v. 15). Onesimus should have been blamed for his actions. The act he committed as a runaway slave was both unethical and illegal. 

This was a business matter, a legal matter, a personal–right matter. Slave legality could bring liability issues with serious consequences on Philemon’s part.  

But what does Paul do? He speaks the truth in love by conveying the heart of the gospel. He makes the best of an ill matter. Converts are to be gently handled, and their former evil practices not to be aggravated.   

The letter to Philemon is a description of a mature Christian displaying gentleness, offering forgiveness, choosing loving-kindness, and above all, bearing fruit of Christlikeness in everyday life. How do you and I do that? By living in grace. 

We Are Forgiven People

I’ve seen this over the last decade in ministry. People who get mad and leave don’t know how to forgive one another. And repeatedly, I’ve seen them and their family wither away. The person who gets angry and leaves not only hurts himself or herself, but their family as well. 

Somebody said something. Somebody got mad. Somebody refused to forgive. Every single time the cause of the gospel has been weakened as people have been hurt.  

When we forgive one another, reconcile to one another, solve problems together, and approach difficult topics with love and grace, we display how Jesus dealt with conflict. The result is God’s grace working in and through you and the church.  

How can you know if you’re struggling with the biblical concept of forgiveness? Here are five questions that may identify whether you have truly extended biblical forgiveness: 

• Do I get angry/anxious when I think about the person? 
• Do I quietly hope that the person gets hurt as I did? 
• Would I willingly help the person if he/she needs help in ministry? 
• Can I pray for that person? 
• Would I be frustrated if God blessed the person? 

How has forgiveness been a struggle for you since coming to know the saving grace of Jesus Christ? Why not start to strengthen or restore a broken relationship? Why not choose to forgive and initiate the process with someone? Why don’t we make a commitment that today, by grace through Christ, we will commit to unity for the sake of one another? 

Jonathan Hayashi

Dr. Jonathan Hayashi is a chaplain, pastor, and author of Ordinary Radicals: A Return to Christ-Centered Discipleship and Making Lemonade: Turning Past Failures into Gospel Opportunities. He and his wife, Kennedi, have four children: Kaede, Seiji, Anna, and Ren. Learn more about him at jonathanhayashi.com